How your subconscious will sabotage your growth if you have unresolved trauma

photo Stefanie Atkinson Schwartz of X in Tashka Design by Natasha Sheveleva

How your subconscious sabotages growth if you have unresolved trauma ::

when being seen // taking up space is unsafe // ‘scary attention’.

AKA :: Research-backed, psychologically-supported trauma informed habit // personality change

For those of us with abuse and trauma in our histories, past protective impulses can derail our growth paths in an attempt to keep us small and safe. For example, in aiding a patient who is wishing to enact changes in their personality who has a childhood trauma history, they recalled getting small and hiding parts of themselves because they did not want to be preyed upon. This patient was experiencing what they thought were ‘irrational’ hesitations // self-sabotage of desired positive growth changes due to fear from the traumatized part of themselves not wishing to risk being seen because ‘being noticed can bring scary attention’.

Holding yourself back due to fear can also occur if you do not have a history of childhood abuse, especially if you are acculturated as female due to pervasive victim blaming culture. You are likely aware of the shame refrain of someone ‘asking for it’ due to their clothing or sensual // embodied personality. Thus, you will blame your behavior on your actions instead of the perpetration.

When attempting to break free of victim blaming // rape culture, reflect that if there were not for the harmful actions, there would be no harm done to those in any type of clothing or its absence.

Keep in mind that these protective impulses arise from an involuntary and well-intentioned past pattern, for when you were young or your body decided that you were not going to be successful in a fight // flight response, your nervous system make the executive decision {outside of your conscious control} to put you into a fawn state to try to appease the more powerful being that was the source of your challenge or fear.

Ways to overcome a self-protective orientation towards fear of being seen // taking up space ::

1. Journal to examine your ‘stories’ around being seen // taking up space : what phrases were told by your caregivers about being seen // taking up space? What formative memories of being seen // taking up space did you experience or witness when you were young? What cultural tales or tropes illustrate this from your background {eg. ‘tall poppies get cut down’; ‘don’t stick your neck out’}?

2. Come up with succinct new phrases // encapsulations to repeat to yourself immediately after the old phrases spring up. Eg. ‘Reach for your sun’ from an movement metaphor of mine : ‘It is of service for me to reach for my sun, as trees do, and in such natural growth I can create an ecosystem for others to thrive beneath my branches.

3. Collect examples in your life of experiences in which your ‘taking up’ space or being seeing was for the greatest good // inspired others, or cautionary tales as to the converse. Write these in a place where you can reference them regularly or when in a moment of doubt.

4. Create a healing team // co-evolutionary community around yourself who holds you to your new intentions. The aid in having an accountabilibuddy cannot be overstated, even if it is just a friend and not professional support.

{This hand-on support, specialized knowledge, and accountability is a large part of why you might choose to hire a specialist // professional accountability force such as a personal trainer, coach, or therapist, so that you have an external person to answer to in holding yourself to your intention}.

{ BONUS : you can replace [ being seen // taking up ] space with any ingrained habit // character change you are trying to adjust, as these techniques will work for most of the deep changes that are hardest to make}

I am so grateful and proud to see the rapid and cathartic changes made in my patients by translating complex psychological studies // concepts into researched-backed behavior change techniques and I want to continue to share these learnings if helpful to you!

Please comment if you would appreciate experiencing this material as a course {have a lot more material // techniques then I shared here} and any thorny challenges you have experienced with habit change you are seeking support with!

Grateful to be the wind beneath your wings as a supportive upward spiral // co-evolutionary current.

facebook post for additional discussion

Flee from traumatizing social conventions


📸Stefanie Atkinson Schwartz of X in Tashka Design

Don’t just walk, run from noxious stimuli ::

Permission for freedom in flight ::

How holding back our involuntary nervous system impulses calcifies // freezes trauma in the body.

We are humanimals {= human + animals}, and as animals, evolution has preserved behaviors within our involuntary nervous system patterns that have enabled us to survive, such as the alarm responses of : fight // flight // freeze // fawn // faint. These responses only get transformed into trauma when we suppress their full expression or do not reset our nervous systems after allowing the reaction..

Non-humanimals shake after activation responses {watch a dog, cat, deer, etc, after it has been reprimanded or startled}.

Unfortunately, our repressive humanimal culture does not welcome these ‘bizarre behaviors’ // weave the wisdom of how to regulate our nervous systems into our social web, hence the need for healers such as myself.

Among other hands on interventions with my patient yesterday, the piece that was most impactful was giving them PERMISSION TO RUN.

Although it is not a common social script to allow your body to flee a noxious stimulus and may be seen as ‘eccentric’ {when what is actually strange is clamping down on the natural response}, I invite you to allow yourself to create space from anything that is causing you to have a ‘flee’ response by activating your large muscles groups through running, biking, or otherwise propelling yourself through space ‘away from the danger’, as close to the activation // awareness that you have adrenaline // cortisol // sympathetic nervous system reactions flowing through your body.

I believe giving each other the grace of space would go a long was in preventing violence by navigating a cornered // trapped fight response into the less harmful flight response.

Here is your permission slip to buck trauma-generating norms, from an extensively therapeutically trained, nervous system nerd :


Facebook link for additional discussion and comments :

Excessive Empathy // Fawning as Trauma Response

photo by Marcela Coors

Excessive Empathy // Fawning as Trauma Response

‘You are prioritizing safety to others to the point that you become dangerous to yourself’.

I found myself saying to an overly-compassionate client describing classic fawning behavior.

As I finalize ‘Guide for Guides : Ethical Psychedelic Spaceholding’ the realization I came to post-graduate school for therapy returns – most are unaware that beyond fight or flight there are additional trauma responses that include freezing & fawning / appeasing.

Fawning involves hyper vigilance in scanning for the socioemotional cues of those around you & prioritizing taking care of the needs of others over yourself.

Although in small doses this can be seen as pro-social empathy / compassion, when this behavior interferes with your capacity for self-care, it could be due to an involuntary survival response.

When caretaking others becomes a compulsive response to create safety in your environment as a prerequisite for your internal safety or ability to care for yourself, it is often due to childhood trauma in which a primary caregiver required care from you as a child, or a setting in which it was unsafe / judged for you to express your needs.

Our current culture does not acknowledge the more ‘social’ trauma response of fawning, and those of us acculturated as female are particularly steered towards fawning as encouraged behavior.

Pulling upon my studies and client experience with those who have a primary orientation towards fawning as their trauma response, I will share my reliable recommendations for how to create sovereignty from fawning. These insights will also be helpful to create social spaciousness for those who describe themselves as over empathetic or hypersensitive.

Facebook post link for additional comments // discussion :

Somatic Seed Saving

What somatic seeds are you saving ?

 Somatic Soul Nutrition ::

Grief as praise

Gratitude for what had been previously taken for granted

what z SomanautZ were privileged to birth into being

A new way of being together in deep delight,

corporeally collaborating via

SomaSenZ :

In dance-bodywork, restful repose space-creating pauses, & smooth  stretching,

Mutual massage multiplying benefits of stacking functions & bodies

Empathetic embodiment entangling : We cannot do this alone




“I need all the nutrition”

Heard at z end :

How are you feeding your emotional, physical nutrition my friend?

How are you tending to your body temple, your psyche, your soul?

Living as an inspiring mirror amplifier aiding you to hear the voice of your inner wisdom is my goal

Beloved, treat yourself tenderly in these times of transformation :

Slow down, rest, dream, and in watching :

let the grief settle as soft snow upon the memories of what has been put on pause, so that we gain clarity for what matters to our shared hearts

These moments of meandering in memory guide us to what we are willing to put forth energy into bringing back :
What seeds are you saving?.

What are you Cultivating?

Z video story : As heart-core Heart Tribe healers, we towed squished-out Body Bliss Wonder Wagons behind our bikes to have a mobile massage platform to gift bodywork anywhere on playa.




📹  @erikperpheal at @abraxasdragon weds night / Thursday sunrise procession to Temple : 2017.Custom leather forest fairy boots by @treadlightgear

#burningman2020 #burningman #burningmanstyle #burningmanfestival #burningman2017 #ttitd #industwetrust #bodywork #massage #bodyplay #contactimprov #contactimprovisation #dancelife #dancer #bodyworkers #somatics #somatic #somaticexperiencing #somatichealing #bodyhealing #festivalculture #festivaloutfit #festivalclothing #festivalfashion #bodywisdom #bodybliss #assistedstretching #transformationalfestival #playamagic #theplayaprovides

love water ~~~ water love

love water ~~~ water love

love like water. dissolving distinction between pater & mater

nonbinary :

 easy fluid, flowing free,

 found following longing, gravity. 

Open vessel, drenching cavity

Pooling perspective, mirroring beauty back to beholder

Reflective renewing, gazing timeless innocence older

Rippling, visible echo effect

Floating, buoyant, immersing, erect

Medium muse, shape yours to choose,

Energetic input generating form, intention suffuse. 

{blurring boundaries whose is who’s}

Sensation sought 

Gaseous, sublimated, diffuse, hot

Hair raising chilling, icy, taut

Submerged, supported, surrounded in space,

surrender, effortless grace

Drunk liquid drinking, interlacing inner~outer space

#nonbinary #genderfluid #genderfluidpride #enby #pride #LGBTQ #lgbtqia #lgbtqartist #waterlove #waterlover #waterlovers #natureporn #ecosexuality #ecosexual #waterislife #natureartist #reflection #reflections #ripple #ripples #lovewater #riverlife #natureart #natureworship #queer #queerart #queerartist #watermagic #vanlifemovement #nomadict

bicycle day 2020

by Taliesin Gilkes-Bower

celebrating Bicycle Day in sacred solidarity via working risk reduction tonight at Bicycle Night.

Happy High Holy Days!

Before then, please join me {happening now!} in watching the educational streams from ‘Sacred Solidarity Festival’ put together by MAPS & many more.

{ love seeing friends show their smarts & hearts! } 

.Grateful that I can continue to live my purpose as a transformational spaceholder & healer albeit in a transpersonal online form.

Grieving not being able to be physically present, especially as this year was going to crown a decade working as a Burning Man Green Dot {additionally trained mental health specialist} Ranger .

. In acknowledgement of socially isolated experimentation & to share my 15 years in the psychedelic field I am writing a short guide for risk reduction reccs when solo tripping <3

In parallel I am chipping away at writing Festival Frontline Risk Reduction {yes I am writing two books at once}.

Additionally, I extend myself as a resource if you are going into a psychedelic space & have any questions or need someone to distance-sit for you.

This work is my purpose & my pleasure.

Additionally, as a academically trained trauma informed transpersonal somatic healer, if you are finding your trauma patterns are activated in this strange time or if you are seeking aid in related ways I am feeling well resourced to hold space in this form as well.

Wishing all beings freedom of consciousness, may we co-evolve & co-create the world we wish to live in via sharing our skills & deepening our capacity to sense in all spheres & planes.

Bicycle Night :










#bicycleday #sacredsolidarity #psychedelics #psychedelicschangelives #solotripping #solotrip #riskreduction #harmreduction #psychedelicharmreduction #burningman #psychedelic #psychedelicsociety #psychedeliccommunity #lsdtrip #festivalculture #festivalseason #transpersonal #transpersonalpsychology #psychedelictherapy #psychedelictherapist #entheogen #burningman2020 #burningmanfestival #burner #burners #ttid #industwetrust #alteredstates #tripping #psychedelicfestival

DON’T TOUCH YOUR FACE{PAINT} : a habit changing art challenge

Photo by Taliesin Gilkes-Bower

Facepaint by Jess of Art Kinetica

Photo by Jess of Art Kinetica

DON’T TOUCH YOUR FACE{PAINT} : a habit changing art challenge .

last shoot I worked {3/11 pre-C19 : that as yet innocent & naive time of small group art making}, I had my face professionally painted as the US Constitution by Jess of Art Kinetica.

Full face paint proved a 100% effective & expressive way of training me to not touch my face.

Seeing as the first step to breaking / altering any habit is to be aware of when & why you engage in the behavior, facepaint proved a ridiculously fun ever present reminder.

For example, in a distracted moment {complete conscious attention on running lines} my wiggy ear got itchy & I grazed it with my hand.


My typically unnoticed habit was immediately revealed to me viscerally via a dark smear of paint on my finger. This was my sole transgression all day as after that I rededicated myself to both my crew {relying on me to maintain continuity of charachter} & the communities I come in contact with.

DON’T TOUCH YOUR FACE{PAINT} is an expressive art challenge for social good!

Do yourself & all those you come into contact with a service & train yourself out of the habit of touching your face which could now result in lives lost down the transmission line.

Your facepaint could be as simple as one solid color or comprehensive make up, or you can make the painting process a cathARTic daily art project expressing how you are feeling / the charachter you’d like to play that day!

You will also serve as a body billboard for those around you to not touch their faces.

If full face feels overwhelming, you can choose to focus on covering mucus membranes {eyes, nose, mouth} & surrounding areas as high priority to train yourself out of touching.

Make facepaint a daily project & post your process until you get in the habit!

Tag #donttouchyourfacepaint & #donttouchchallenge & share other creative ways you are not touching your face & etc !

Be an April Fool all month long, for group goodness sake!

Wishing you good habits via creative social pressure,






#donttouchyourface #aprilfools #aprilfoolsday #facepaint

COVID-19 RRx Risk Reduction

Shelter in Play : Quaranteam Bodywork

SomaSenZ demonstration

“The median incubation period was estimated to be 5.1 days (95% CI, 4.5 to 5.8 days), and 97.5% of those who develop symptoms will do so within 11.5 days (CI, 8.2 to 15.6 days) of infection. These estimates imply that, under conservative assumptions, 101 out of every 10 000 cases (99th percentile, 482) will develop symptoms after 14 days of active monitoring or quarantine.”

We are in for months of quarantine

Official Data : Flattening the curve for the long haul

Nitrous Oxide as potential treatment

Italians share what they wish they would have known 10 days ago


Visual learners

Elderberry is contraindicated once someone is infected with COVID-19. “

Unlike the flu, elderberry is *not* recommended for COVID-19. Elderberry functions through the cytokine system, which is why it can help auto-immune problems. However, what kills you in COVID-19 is cytokine storms that end up with your body attacking your own lung tissue and bleeding into your lungs. So, taking something that helps you fight infection by waking up that system… is a risk.” –posted by a former classmate, who also says that Reishi operates in the same way…sharing because I know many people, including myself, who’ve had great luck with elderberry remedies for flus–but it definitely sounds like the wrong medicine with this virus…”
From Liz boubion

From Jenn raptor

I would be grateful for access to these papers if anyone has institutional access :

Get outside in the sun :

Most well researched article I have found so far :

People’s corona virus response group {meta organizing info & action thread}

More zoomed out view {via Delara}

Brought me to tears :

What if you thought of itas the Jews consider the Sabbath—the most sacred of times?

Cease from travel.

Cease from buying and selling.

Give up, just for now,on trying to make the world different than it is.

Sing. Pray. Touch only thoseto whom you commit your life.Center down.
And when your body has become still,reach out with your heart.Know that we are connectedin ways that are terrifying and beautiful.(You could hardly deny it now.)Know that our livesare in one another’s hands.(Surely, that has come clear.)Do not reach out your hands.Reach out your heart.Reach out your words.Reach out all the tendrilsof compassion that move, invisibly,where we cannot touch.
Promise this world your love–for better or for worse,in sickness and in health,so long as we all shall live.
–Lynn Ungar 3/11/20

If you become unwell : nurse suggestions :

{although France is saying no NSAIDs so go with the acetomenophen not the advil

Ceremony holders